From Doormat to Unstoppable: How to Break Free from People-Pleasing and Reclaim Your Power
✨ Perimenopause Power Moves: Take Charge of Your Hormones & Health! ✨
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From Doormat to Unstoppable: How I Ditched People-Pleasing and Found My True Self
"Chronic people-pleasing is driven by fear, not love." ~ Terri Cole
Introduction: The Wake-Up Call
At some point in midlife, we hit a moment of reckoning—a wait, what the hell have I been doing? realization.
For decades, we smiled when we didn’t want to, nodded when we disagreed, and said yes when every fiber of our being screamed no. We built a life around keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, and earning approval. And where did it leave us? Exhausted. Overextended. Disconnected from the woman we were supposed to be.
But here’s the truth: People-pleasing isn’t kindness. It’s self-abandonment.
And if you’re done with that? Good. Because it’s time to take your power back.
The People-Pleasing Trap: Why We Do It
People-pleasing doesn’t come out of nowhere. Most of us were trained for it—taught that being “good” meant being agreeable, accommodating, and never rocking the boat. Maybe we were gaslit into doubting our own feelings, or criticized to the point where we learned that keeping quiet was safer than speaking up.
Over time, we became masters of putting others first:
âś… Saying yes when we wanted to scream no.
âś… Avoiding conflict at all costs.
âś… Bending over backward to be liked, accepted, or chosen.
But the cost? It’s steep. Because every time we said yes to someone else, we were saying no to ourselves.
The Turning Point: When Enough Becomes Enough
Then one day, something shifts. We wake up tired—not just physically, but soul-level exhausted.
We get fed up with feeling invisible.
We get tired of betraying ourselves.
We realize that living for everyone else is no longer an option.
“The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you’ll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It’s your responsibility to care for yourself without excuses.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
How to Stop People-Pleasing and Reclaim Your Power
So, how do we go from exhausted yes-woman to a boundary-setting powerhouse? One step at a time.
🔥 Step 1: Identify Your Limits
What drains you? What makes you resentful? If something feels off, it is. Trust that feeling.
🔥 Step 2: Start Saying No (Without Over-Explaining)
No is a full sentence. But if that feels too harsh, try:
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I can’t commit to that right now.”
“I need to think about it.”
🔥 Step 3: Expect the Backlash—And Stand Firm
Not everyone will love the new, boundary-setting you. That’s okay. If someone gets upset because you’re no longer bending over backward for them, that’s their problem, not yours.
🔥 Step 4: Find Your Support System
Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries. If you need backup, a therapist, coach, or boundary-setting book (hello, Melissa Urban!) can help.
🔥 Step 5: Keep Practicing Until It Feels Natural
Boundaries aren’t a one-and-done thing. It’s a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Common Roadblocks (And How to Push Through Them)
🚧 Fear of Rejection: If setting boundaries causes someone to walk away, that relationship was never built on mutual respect. Let them go.
🚧 Guilt: Remind yourself: You’re not hurting anyone by honoring your needs. You’re just refusing to hurt yourself for their comfort.
🚧 People Not Taking You Seriously: If you’ve been a lifelong people-pleaser, some folks will test your new boundaries. Stand firm. Consistency is key.
The Freedom of Living Authentically
Here’s what happens when you ditch people-pleasing for good:
✨ You feel lighter.
✨ You stop walking on eggshells.
✨ You gain confidence.
✨ You finally—finally—start living for yourself.
Living authentically isn’t about being selfish. It’s about being whole.
And the best part? When you step into your power, you give other women permission to do the same.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve This
Breaking free from people-pleasing is hard. But it’s worth it.
Because you—yes, you—deserve a life that feels good.
A life that reflects who you really are.
A life where you don’t just exist for others—you exist for yourself, too.
And that? That changes everything.
Hormonally yours,
Kimberlee Erin
✨ Perimenopause Power Moves: Take Charge of Your Hormones & Health!✨
Grab your free guide today!
👉 Download Now!
Just a heads-up: I’m a Certified Menopause Coaching Specialist and Holistic Nutritionist, and while I love sharing what’s worked for me and my clients, this blog is for informational purposes only. It’s not a substitute for medical advice. Always check in with your healthcare provider before starting new supplements, hormones, or treatments—especially since every woman’s perimenopause journey is different. You deserve personalized care that truly fits you.
Additional Resources:
Books:
"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown
"Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab
"Boundary Boss" by Terri Cole
"The Book of Boundaries" by Melissa Urban
Quotes:
Nedra Glover Tawwab: "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
Terri Cole: "Boundaries aren't about telling someone else what to do; they're about showing others how to honor your needs."
Melissa Urban: "You don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself."
Brené Brown: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."
