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ADHD in Women Over 40: A Midlife Diagnosis That Rewrites the Past

"I believe that ADHD women are more intent on making a difference in the world and living to their potential than other women."
— Tracy Otsuka

A Midlife Diagnosis That Changed Everything

At 48, I was diagnosed with ADHD—a revelation that flipped my world upside down and, oddly enough, finally made it make sense. Like many women, I had no idea that ADHD symptoms in women often fly under the radar, especially if you’re the type who looks like you’ve got it together (even if you’re secretly losing it in your head).

I wasn’t the "typical" case—but what even is typical? Suddenly, my past was less a confusing mess and more a beautifully tangled web with a name.

From childhood anxiety to academic overwhelm, from panic attacks to "wait, what did I walk into this room for?" moments—the signs were always there. The diagnosis didn’t change who I am. It just gave me the missing instruction manual.

Like many, I stumbled into this realization through my kids. Turns out, the traits that drove me bananas in them were the same ones I'd been wrestling with my whole life. Wild, right?

ADHD in Women: The Signs We Miss

Growing up, ADHD was the "wiggly boy" label. If you weren't bouncing off the walls or throwing pencils, you flew under the radar. I was the quiet daydreamer. Polite. Well-behaved. A teacher's dream—until I wasn't.

In grade six, we moved to a new town. Making friends was hard. School suddenly felt impossible. That’s when panic attacks and serious anxiety showed up like uninvited guests that refused to leave.

Back then, I thought it was just the stress of the move. Nope. Looking back, that was the ADHD flag waving wildly while I tried to hold it together.

High school? Let’s just say it was a blur of self-doubt, late-night cramming, and thinking I was broken. If a subject sparked my interest, I could hyperfocus like a champ. If not? My brain shut the blinds and locked the door.

University was more of the same. Standardized tests were my personal Hunger Games. And all the while, I thought it was just me.

The Three Types of ADHD (And Why Women Often Go Undiagnosed)

There are three main flavors of ADHD. None of them taste like funfetti, but knowing your type can change your life:

• Inattentive Type (aka the Daydreamer):

  You’re easily distracted, forgetful, mentally foggy. People might call you spacey or unmotivated. (Spoiler: You’re not.)

• Hyperactive-Impulsive Type (aka the Firecracker):

  You talk fast, move fast, decide fast. It shows up more clearly in kids but sticks around in subtler ways.

• Combined Type (aka the Multitasker):

  Congrats! You get a double scoop of chaos—mental clutter and physical restlessness.

  Women are more likely to have the inattentive or combined types. And because we’re taught to be quiet, agreeable, and accommodating? We learn to mask like pros—until we can’t anymore.

Why Midlife Women Are Rewriting the ADHD Narrative

ADHD isn’t "new," but the way it shows up in women is finally getting the attention it deserves. Here’s why so many of us are being diagnosed later in life:

1. A Generational Blind Spot: ADHD used to be seen as the “wiggly boy” disorder. Research focused on hyperactive boys, ignoring the quiet, dreamy girls who were struggling just as much—just in different ways.

2. Parenthood as a Mirror: When our kids start showing signs of ADHD, we do a deep dive into their behavior—and often end up recognizing ourselves. What starts as advocacy for them becomes a full-on revelation for us.

3. The Perimenopause Puzzle: Hormonal chaos in midlife—hello, brain fog, mood swings, and memory lapses—can either mimic or magnify ADHD. For many of us, it’s the tipping point that brings everything into focus.

Perimenopause: The Tipping Point

Here’s the thing: perimenopause doesn’t cause ADHD, but it absolutely cranks up the volume.

Estrogen—the hormone MVP—plays a big role in dopamine regulation. When estrogen dips (thanks, perimenopause), so does dopamine. And when dopamine tanks, so do focus, motivation, and mood.

Suddenly, the coping strategies you’ve clung to for years stop working. Cue brain fog, mood swings, forgetfulness, and a whole lot of "What is happening to me?!"

For me, perimenopause took everything I was barely managing and turned it into a full-blown circus. With no ringmaster.

The Hidden Link Between ADHD and Alcohol

Let’s be real—I didn’t turn to wine just for the taste. I used it to turn down the noise in my brain.

That glass (or three) of wine was my way of coping with the nonstop ticker tape of thoughts, worries, and "shoulds." I didn’t know I was self-medicating—I just knew it helped me exhale.

Here’s the science: ADHD is linked to lower dopamine levels. Alcohol gives you a short-term dopamine boost and slows brain activity. So yes, it can feel soothing—until it wears off and leaves you even more anxious, foggy, and sleep-deprived. Add perimenopause to the mix and it’s like lighting a match in a hormone-soaked haystack.

This isn’t about guilt or shame. It’s about recognizing the cycle and learning new ways to feel better.

Navigating ADHD and Perimenopause: My Survival Tools

Managing ADHD in midlife isn’t about chasing perfection—it’s about finding what works. Here’s what’s helped me keep the wheels (mostly) on:

1. Find the right experts. Get someone who understands the hormonal rollercoaster and the ADHD brain. Don’t settle.

2. Medication + therapy. Game-changers. Pair it with bioidentical hormone support and things finally start to click.

3. Prioritize sleep like your life depends on it. Because honestly? It kind of does.

4. Eat like your brain is your best friend. Protein, fats, fiber. No sugar rollercoasters. Your brain deserves better than another crash.

5. Find your people. Whether it’s a friend, a support group, or an online space, don’t go this alone. Sharing your story helps others open up too.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Brilliant.

This diagnosis didn’t magically fix my life, but it gave me clarity—and that’s everything.

I stopped calling myself lazy. I stopped beating myself up for not being "disciplined enough." I started seeing the magic in my mess.

If you’re unraveling in midlife, here’s what I want you to know: You’re not falling apart. You’re finally coming into focus.

Because the most fascinating thing about you isn’t what you’ve struggled with—it’s how you rise, again and again.

Hormonally yours,

Kimberlee Erin

Related Reads:

✨ Sleep Deprived and Craving Wine? How to Cope in Perimenopause

✨ Alcohol, Anxiety, and Perimenopause: How to Break Free and Feel Better

Free Resources:

✨Tired of Hormonal Chaos? Take Back Control — your no-BS guide to managing symptoms and feeling like you again.

Just a heads-up: I’m a Certified Menopause Coaching Specialist and Holistic Nutritionist, and while I love sharing what’s worked for me and my clients, this blog is for informational purposes only. It’s not a substitute for medical advice. Always check in with your healthcare provider before starting new supplements, hormones, or treatments—especially since every woman’s perimenopause journey is different. You deserve personalized care that truly fits you.