Feeling Meh in Bed? 5 Natural Ways to Reignite Your Libido During Perimenopause

“A woman’s desire isn’t a switch—it’s a spark. You just have to know how to light it again.”
– Someone who’s definitely been through perimenopause

Let’s get honest for a sec. If your libido has packed up and left the building, you are not alone. So many of us enter perimenopause expecting a few hot flashes and maybe a bit of crankiness, but no one warned us that our once-reliable sex drive might go MIA.

Hormone shifts during perimenopause—especially fluctuating estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone—can throw a major wrench into your sex life. And it’s not just about desire. Vaginal dryness, painful sex, fatigue, mood changes, and body image issues all love to crash the party.

But here’s the good news:
Your sex life isn’t over. In fact, it might just be entering a new (and possibly better) chapter—with a little support. So before you write off intimacy altogether, let’s explore five natural, empowering ways to rekindle your desire and feel like you again.

🌿 1. Prioritize Self-Care (No, It’s Not Selfish)

Let’s be real—if you’re running on fumes, haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks, and feel like a bundle of stress and resentment… sexy is probably the last thing on your mind.

Self-care isn’t about bubble baths and candles (though hey, if that helps, light 'em up!). It’s about taking care of your physical and emotional needs so your nervous system isn’t stuck in survival mode 24/7.

✅ Try this:

• Get 7–8 hours of sleep (easier said than done, I know)

• Eat enough protein and healthy fats (because blood sugar crashes kill libido)

• Move your body daily—yoga, walking, strength training, or even dancing in your kitchen

• Set boundaries. Saying no to what drains you is a massive turn-on… for your nervous system

When your body feels safe and nourished, desire has room to return.

🌱 2. Support Hormones Naturally with Herbs and Adaptogens

Some plant allies have been studied for their libido-boosting or hormone-balancing effects. They won’t work overnight—but for many women, they’ve made a noticeable difference.

🌿 Popular options include:

• Maca root: Known as nature’s libido booster, supports energy and hormone balance

• Ashwagandha: Calms cortisol (your stress hormone) and may support sexual wellness

• Ginkgo biloba: Can increase blood flow and enhance arousal

• Tribulus terrestris: May support testosterone production in women

✅ Important: Always talk to a functional medicine provider or herbalist before adding herbs, especially if you're on medication or using hormone therapy.

💋 3. Redefine Intimacy and Bring on the Sensual Touch

Let’s stop measuring intimacy only by penetration. That kind of thinking is outdated (and pretty male-centric). Desire often starts outside the bedroom—with a hand on your back, a meaningful look, or even a quiet moment with your own body.

✅ Try this:

• Cuddle or hold hands without any goal

• Schedule a massage swap with your partner

• Spend time exploring your own body without pressure for orgasm

• Read or watch something sensual that excites you (not what you think you're supposed to like)

When you tune into your body on your own terms, it’s easier to know what feels good—and ask for it.

🗣 4. Talk About It (Even if It’s Awkward)

Yes, this one’s hard. But emotional intimacy and communication are just as important as physical connection. Let your partner know what’s going on. Share your fears, frustrations, and desires.

You don’t have to figure it all out before you open your mouth. Start with something simple like:

“Things feel different lately, and I want us to be able to talk about it—even if I don’t have all the answers.”

✅ Bonus Tip: Consider listening to a podcast or reading a book together. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski is a game-changer.

💧 5. Use Natural Lubricants (Because Ouch Is Not a Mood)

Vaginal dryness is one of the most common complaints during perimenopause—and it’s also one of the easiest to fix.

Instead of suffering through it, give your tissues some love.

✅ Look for:

• Water-based lubricants with aloe vera (great for sensitive skin)

• Oil-based options like organic coconut oil (but note they can break down condoms)

• Vaginal moisturizers that restore hydration long-term (think hyaluronic acid, vitamin E)

Also worth considering? Vaginal estrogen or DHEA suppositories. These are low-dose and super effective, but you'll need to talk to your doctor about them.

✨ Real Talk: You Deserve Pleasure

Perimenopause might be throwing curveballs, but that doesn’t mean your sex life is over. This can be a season of rediscovery—a chance to reconnect with your body, your desires, and your voice.

Yes, things have changed. But change isn’t always bad. With a little support, a lot of compassion, and a touch of curiosity, you can absolutely reignite the spark—on your own terms.

🔗 Related Reads You’ll Love

💦 Vaginal Dryness Sucks—But You Don’t Have To Suffer
Dry, itchy, and totally not in the mood? Let’s fix that. This one’s packed with real talk and remedies to help you feel like yourself again—no awkward pharmacy trips required.

🩷 Is Your Vagina Talking? Here’s How to Listen and Thrive
Your vagina’s been trying to get your attention (and no, you’re not imagining it). Here’s how to tune in, support your lady bits, and thrive through all the midlife plot twists.

🔥 Midlife, Moisture & the Missing Mojo: Sex & Relationships After 40
Libido gone MIA? Relationships feeling… meh? Here’s how to get the spark (and your confidence) back—without forcing anything that doesn’t feel good.

💌 Want more support?

Grab my free guide, The Midlife Reset, and get tips on hormone balance, self-care, and feeling good in your body again. Download it here.

Hormonally yours,

Kimberlee Erin

Just a heads-up: I’m a Certified Menopause Coaching Specialist and Holistic Nutritionist, and while I love sharing what’s worked for me and my clients, this blog is for informational purposes only. It’s not a substitute for medical advice. Always check in with your healthcare provider before starting new supplements, hormones, or treatments—especially since every woman’s perimenopause journey is different. You deserve personalized care that truly fits you.